He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
