Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i will never coherently bang her
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
