I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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