someone threw a dead crab at me
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
