She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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