NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
