You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
420 ftw
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
