Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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