And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
