Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
