I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
