So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
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