My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
