Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
