He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
