Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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