Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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