not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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