Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
