I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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