First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
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