two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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