6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i just google imaged poop.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
