Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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