Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
