bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
