You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
