Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Found the puke drawer
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
