she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
