do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
