Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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