No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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