New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
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we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
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I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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