He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Randomize
