When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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