I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
