I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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