Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
