i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
