she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
