I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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