i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
