Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
