So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
