one might say we're banned from that church
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
