It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
