I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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