so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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