i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
