Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
