Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i will never coherently bang her
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
