Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
