Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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