Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
