Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Randomize
