Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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