is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
