We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
