Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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