I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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