Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
