Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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