If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
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You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
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All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
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