That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
