Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
