I just pynch a tree in the face
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
