I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
