Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
