I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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