i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
