So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
