When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
